I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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