You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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