I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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