she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
