i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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