Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
