look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
