ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Barsexuality is the new black.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
