if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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