i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
