Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
