I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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