it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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