A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
