We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
