I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
