Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
