The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I need water and some morals
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
