I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
