I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
