Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Oh god it's open bar.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
