If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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