he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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