How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
