ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
