i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
