It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
