i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
