i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
