My nipple is on Facebook.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
