I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
