just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
