so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
