sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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