He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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