Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
