I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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