at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
