She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
A+ Viking dick
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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