as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
