Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
