the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
