It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
