my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My vagina is very pro this idea
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
