OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
