Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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