No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
