Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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