The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
