Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
