He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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