i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
